Sagebrush

Mid-way through October, I was blessed with the opportunity to go with a group of sixth grade students to Central Oregon. If you know me, it's no surprise that I had been anticipating this trip since June! When any opportunity arises that combines spending time teaching kids with the aroma of juniper trees and sagebrush (I'll come back to this, but I hope you know it's one of the most incredible smells ever), I will never be able to say no... top it off with a break from the stress of school and you've got a recipe for a great time!

I loved every minute of the trip... from waking up at 5:15 am to chat around the campfire with some awesome Counselors... to cramming 30+ tired, dirty campers on a bus ringing with melodious camp and worship songs (almost always sung off-tune)... to hiking up and down multiple trails, identifying trees, imagining what it was like to be an original Pioneer coming across the Oregon Trail... I wouldn't trade the week for anything.

While on the trip, I was overwhelmed with how much I enjoyed the break. A break from myself.

Rather than focusing on everything I have to do for school, I was able to step back and pour into others. I'm at the point of grave annoyance with how self-focused I am during school. It shouldn't have to be that way! I just can't figure out how to get around it.... No matter how much I try and pour myself into other people, at the end of the day, I'm stuck thinking about all I have to do (for myself) the next day. Yes, there are ways to be involved and reach out to others even while in school, but I feel a lingering tension that I can't get past... I know I'm not explaining it very well (and I probably just sound like the most selfish person, but I feel almost trapped in a box of self-centerdness while I'm at school.

Now, back to the sagebrush... If you haven't had the opportunity to inhale the aroma of this fragrant little plant, you must. Seriously. On several occasions over the course of the few days, I remembered to stuff several small branches into the pockets of my coat. A few from the banks of the Deschutes, a couple from around the campground, and a handful from the park at Sisters just for good measure. However, I completely forgot to remove them from my pockets before they reached their dry, crumbly stage... and for this I am ever so grateful!

Every time I use my coat pockets as an attempt to warm my hands from the chilling October air, tiny particles of sagebrush-scented fumes permeate the skin of my fingers and latch on to the surface of my hands. And every time I remove my hands from the fragrant pockets, the sweet smell of sagebrush sweeps through the air, leaving a smile on my face. I can't help but be filled with happiness, even if the moment is brief. It makes me wonder... how can I be that breath of joy to others? How can I bless others like sagebrush blesses me (as silly as that sounds)?

Maybe it's not about constantly doing things for others (I'm not down-playing this, only questioning if this is realistic and healthy). Could it possibly have more to do with just being? Being a refreshing presence, an encouragement...  I know that sounds vague, but let's just go with it for a bit. The broken, crumbly branch of sagebrush is not producing any sweet scent at this point, it's simply just hanging out in my pocket. Because it's not connected to the original plant, it will eventually cease smelling good altogether. I don't want that to be me. But what about the rest of the branches (the lucky ones that didn't get plucked from the living plant))... they will continue to produce a wonderful aroma because they're connected to the source. They need only to be.. but they must be in relation to the living plant.

If I want to be a blessing to others, I have to recognize that I must be connected to Christ. I am nothing by a  broken, crumbly branch on my own. However, his fragrant aroma can escape through me if I am alive in him... and then I can just be sagebrush.

Two-Word Challenge

Recently I've felt that almost every conversation I've had with friends, family, professors, mentors, even the checkout lady at the grocery store has been thickly coated with frustration, exhaustion, weariness, and negativity. I am getting more and more annoyed with how frequently I complain (and this probably sounds like I'm complaining about complaining haha so sorry!). Why is it so easy to get hung up on the negatives?! Seriously, I'm embarrassed to admit how much I complain! The verbal complaints, however, are merely a reflection of the negative focus inside me.

And that needs to change.

I remember a challenge once posed to me by a high school teacher.... it revolved around the idea of saying two little words as a way to refocus thoughts and change perspective....

These two words? "Thank you!"

My class and I were encouraged to reconsider the value of these words in regards not only to the one receiving the thanks, but in how they affect the one giving thanks. It's easy to emphasize the importance of thanking someone who deserves to be thanked, to giving thanks when things are pleasant, and to be thankful for the blessings that have been abundantly poured out upon you, but it's a little bit more difficult to say "thank you" when things don't seem to be going your way. What would happen if you were to be thankful in all situations? How would saying these words affect personal perspective?

I vividly remember the first day I took this challenge of first saying "thank you" as a response to any situation... I woke up determined to be thankful for everything. Easy enough! I even stopped for coffee on the way to school so I would be sure to have a great day :)

Well, right as I was pulling my car away (coffee cup balanced precariously in my hands as I struggled to steer safely), a good amount of hot, caffeinated liquid sloshed out of my handy dandy travel mug all over my lap! My instincts prompted me toward frustration- it's hot!!! And there's no time to go home and change! This is gonna be a GREAT day now!  But a little flag went of in my head reminding me of my "thankful" vow earlier that morning. Seriously? This is dumb. I have no reason to be thankful for my coffee spilling, I thought to myself.... Sure you do- now you'll smell like coffee all day! That's one of your favorite smells, right? It's perfect, combatted the stubbornness within me, not wanting to fail so early on. A little smirk made its way to my face, and the two words reshaped my thoughts... I went throughout the rest of my day full of genuine optimism, ready to challenge each situation with a "thank you." 

So, perhaps it's time to pick up this challenge again... It provides a cool way of being optimistic without sacrificing realism. Every time I say those two simple words, I find my perspective immediately changes. The situation doesn't change necessarily, but attitude does. Instead of allowing my thoughts to fixate on things that are bothering me, fears that are distracting me, or daunting tasks ahead of me, I can shift my thoughts toward things for which I can be thankful. They is always something!!!! I have a feeling that as soon as I start looking for them, I'll see more and more... 

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise..." Philippians 4:8, NLT

Running

"What are you running from?"
Such a common question to be faced with when someone catches you (or you catch yourself) running from fears, challenges, frustrations.... I do think this is an important question to ask and to be asked, but perhaps there is an even greater question that should be asked as well...

Let's start with the first one, though :) "What are you running from?" Internal conflict? Suppressed fear of failure? Insecurity? Financial stresses? Family tension? Negative circumstances? Encouragement? Vulnerability? Advice? The list goes on.... everyone has run from something at some point in their life... I've looked back on how I've lived and have undoubtedly run from a wide array of pressures, both positive and negative. Yes, I've run from fear of imperfection, but I've also run from support of friends. I've run from experiencing sorrow, and I've run from encouragement. It's definitely important to recognize these things and deal with them appropriately, but it shouldn't stop there.

What is perhaps even more important is "what are you running to?"

When you run, you often have a destination... even if it's not pre-determined, it's arguably still in existence. A finish line exists even if you don't see it until you get there. For some, that goal is destructive.... for others it is repairing. In my own life I've allowed myself to run "without a destination," but the place in which I arrive almost always has negative repercussions. In running from pain, I've landed in bitterness. In running from advice, I've ended up in brokenness. I really don't think it's possible to run without a destination, even if you intend to run forever. You eventually stop, and that becomes the destination.

Maybe it's not necessarily bad to run from something as long as the destination is positive. (And by positive, I mean the destination will help you address what you were running from in the first place). For example, when you run from pain, why not run to peace that will penetrate the sorrow and provide healing? Or when you run from tension, why not run to wisdom that will enable you to deal with the tension appropriately? Maybe running isn't bad as long as you're heading in the right place...