He's always been faithful to me??

Morning by morning I wake up to find the power and comfort of God's hand in mine. 

Season by season I watch him amazed, in awe of the mystery of his perfect ways. 

All I have need of his hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me. 

I can't remember a trial or a pain he did not recycle to bring me gain. 

I can't remember one single regret in serving God only and trusting his hand. 

All I have need of his hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me. 

This is my anthem, this is my song, the theme of the stories I've heard for so long. 

God has been faithful, he will be again. His loving compassion, it knows no end. 

This morning as we sang this song at church, the words refused to come out of my mouth. Try as I might, I couldn't, or didn't want to, proclaim God's faithfulness. The music played, voices echoed around me, worship filled the room... and I refused to join. The melodic tune compelled voices to proclaim, He's always been faithful to me... yet, I found myself battling unbelief.

It's Mid-November, the gas tank is empty, rent is due soon, next semester's invoice taunts me, and instant oatmeal is no longer my favorite breakfast/lunch/dinner meal. On top of the usual financial fears, my car needs a major repair. Fabulous. Is God really here? Does he really care? I know in my head I can trust him, but what happens when I don't see Him coming through? Isn't he suppose to provide?

The sermon today was on one of my favorite passages: Ephesians 3:14-21. The passage lavishly proclaims God's unsurpassable love through beautifully rich imagery- his love is wider, higher, deeper than we can ever imagine. God's love knows no end. Today, however, the words in verse 20 struck a cord with me. In this verse, Paul refers to God as "him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." God is able. But my question was, "will he?" Sure he CAN step in an solve my problems, meet my financial needs, eliminate my car problems, keep my gas tank running on empty, and so on... but WILL he do that?

Then I realized that's the wrong question.

Let's just say I don't see God provide in the way in which I wanted him to... is he any less God? What if I live off oatmeal for the rest of the semester? How about if my car stops in the middle of the road and doesn't restart? Or if I can't afford to come back to school next semester? Is he still God? Is he still Trustworthy? Loving? Faithful?

Yes. 100%

Thankfully God's character is not contingent upon how I see him working... His trustworthiness doesn't depend on how I see my "needs" being met, his love doesn't act according to my ability to accept it, and his faithfulness doesn't hinge on the amount of my faith I can conjure up. He is God always. 

It's true we know people's characters by their actions, and I believe the same is true for God. But, sometimes we're just not able to see the full extent of his actions and their reflection of his character. We naval-gaze, lose sight of reality, stare at the problems right before us... we forget to look to Jesus. As God re-fixes our eyes back on him, our "needs" shift, our fears fade, God's peace overwhelms us and transforms our hearts and minds. Circumstances might not change, but our attitudes do. 

In peace, God is faithful.
In joy, God is faithful.
In love, God is faithful.

Thinking back to Eph 3:20, we can know God is able because we know him. But the question of "will he?" shouldn't matter. Or it should at least be redirected. Will God come through in the ways we think we need him to? Maybe. But if not, he will come through in ways he knows we need. Peace, joy, love (the list goes on and on, but I tend to like lists of 3 if you haven't noticed haha)... in these God is faithful.

As God fixes my heart, mind, eyes, and thoughts on the truth of who he is and what Christ has done on the cross, my perspective can't help but change. The phrase "Preach the Gospel to yourself" has been around for quite awhile, even reflected in Ps. 42:5 ("Why are you downcast, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God...my salvation and my God"), for good reason. We mustn't forget the hope we have in Christ. He is alive in us (Eph 2:22), and this is the reason to which Paul refers in 3:1, 14 as he proclaims God's love. 

So while my problems, fears, doubts, and trials are left unsolved to some extent, I know God is God. He loves me, sacrificed his Son for me, and is alive within me for the praise of his glorious name. What else matters? In this He's always been faithful to me.