Step by Step.

Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path..." Psalm 119:105

Time and time again I've been faced with the tendency to map out a long-term journey of my life, a step by step plan unfolding a detailed depiction of how I want my years on earth to be spent. From which college to attend and which degree to obtain, to what location "to settle down in" and at what age to get married, I've attempted to answer almost every life question pre-maturely in order to have a perfect little picture of what my life will look like. 

The problem is, my life doesn't look like "that."

The world tells us we need to have a destination in mind and then figure out the appropriate steps to reach it... Questions like, "where do you see yourself in five years?" and "what are your short term and long term goals" pervade our minds and manipulate our agendas in ways reflecting an innate desire for control. We think that if we can calculate strategically enough and plan far enough in advance, our lives will unfold precisely as we see fit. And when curve balls do fly towards us, we quickly dodge them and try to re-plan, re-focus, re-organize... We go back to the drawing board and map out yet another set of ideals (or this could just be me, but I'll use a plural subject so I feel less ridiculous haha)

Now, don't get me wrong, I think goals are fantastic! There's nothing inherently wrong with being focused, determined, or driven. Even Paul writes in Philippians 3:14, "I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus..." which suggests a highly positive connotation in regards to goal-setting! However, we can't forget to notice the nature of Paul's goal-setting in comparison to ours. Let's back up a bit...

In verses 7-10, Paul beautifully articulates the only goal that matters- knowing Christ. He writes, "But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death..."

Paul's goal is complete self-abandonment, utter surrender... his goal is Christ. 

It is in this context of striving to know his Lord that Paul can unrelentingly press towards what lies ahead... he does not divulge a detailed missionary-map of upcoming endeavors nor a specified proposal of how many letters he'll compose in his lifetime. He simply longs for a deep, intimate relationship with his Lord.

Recently I've been faced with many questions about my future, and I honestly just don't have the answers. What are my specific goals for my career? When/Where will I go back to school? Will I even go back to school? I try and picture where I see myself in five years, and I could literally see myself almost anywhere! Does that mean I'm "directionless"??

No, not necessarily... as I was chatting with a friend tonight we were reflecting on the excitement of seeing only the tiny step in front of us. There are definitely elements of frustration, uncertainty, confusion... but it really is thrilling to embrace the unknown as a new adventure, a new opportunity to completely depend on God. In Psalm 119:105, God promises he will give a lamp (singular) to our feet and a light (what do ya know... singular again) for our path, not a series of little lamps and lights neatly revealing the journey far beyond our present. He promises to illuminate the dimly-lit path as we press into Him...one step at a time. 

Change.

In less than a month I will completely pack up my life in Langley, BC and return to the land of ducks and beavers- Oregon, I'm coming back. Excitement, worry, sadness, peace... almost every emotion has darted across my mind at some point or another during the past few weeks. I have so much to look forward to. Yet...

I really don't like change. But what is it about change that I don't like? The newness? The uncertainty? The danger? (Better strap on a helmet just in case!) Perhaps it's not so much the next step that lies ahead  that causes such a mixed array of emotions tumultuous within me, but the path I'm leaving behind...

As I met with a group of friends tonight to pray for our church and how God is leading us, a passage in Acts 8 came to mind: the story of Philip and an Ethiopian. (I wanted only to apply it to how I was praying for my specific church family earlier, but sometimes God takes things we're projecting onto others and slaps us on the head with them!) The story begins in Acts 8:26 with and angel of God directing Philip to embark on a specific travel route. Soon, Philip runs into an Ethiopian official on his way to Jerusalem to worship. Prior to his encounter with Philip, the Ethiopian is reading from Isaiah and formulating some questions. Upon seeing the Ethiopian, Philip is prompted by the Holy Spirit to approach him and begin a conversation... through the next few verses, we see the Ethiopian ask Philip to explain some questions he has with the passage, and Philip, being led by the Spirit, unfolds the message of Jesus using the passage the Ethiopian is reading.  Now keep reading... the story progresses beautifully (straight out of a Billy Graham crusade snapshot!), and the Ethiopian is baptized at the first site of water! How awesome!!!

With a bird's eye view of the entire story, we can see how clearly God had prepared the path for Philip and the Ethiopian to meet and converse. The story could just end with the Ethiopian's baptism and a warm, fuzzy feeling in the hearts of the readers... but it doesn't... we get to see what happens to Philip and the Ethiopian after their encounter.

Now, I would like to say Philip gets to stay and continue chatting away with his new friend, building a relationship that would continue in-person, face-to-face... but that's not the case. We are told that immediately after the new convert's baptism and commitment to Jesus, Philip is abruptly taken away, never again to be seen by the Ethiopian.

What?! You mean the two buddies didn't get to continue on together learning and growing, sharing their lives in the same vicinity?? Nope. Philip and the Ethiopian shared a marvelous encounter, and then their time together was over- just like that. If you take a look at the story again, you won't read of the Ethiopian wallowing in sadness or disappointment; he continues on his way rejoicing! And Philip goes on traveling and preaching in many other towns... both men shared a grand encounter, which came to an end, and they continued on the path God had for them full of joy.

So... although this story doesn't exactly relate to my life at the moment, God has been using it to encourage me and remind me of his unsurpassed sovereignty, love, and faithfulness. Unlike Philip and the Ethiopian, I have had the privilege of sharing many experiences, not just one brief encounter, with my church community in BC and learning to truly "do life together" as part of the body of Christ. From folding laundry, cleaning kitchens, painting fences... sharing meals, playing board games, and watching movies... to witnessing baptisms, singing in worship, and praying for one another... the church community in which God has placed me (RHC, Trinity, Fleetwood...) has been immensely instrumental in my encouragement and growth. The things I've learned about myself and the ways I've seen God work have undoubtedly changed my heart and shaped my character more than I anticipated. Just as the Ethiopian's life shifted after meeting Philip, so has mine after my time in BC.

However, that time has come to an end (insert HUGE sigh and token teardrop trickling down from right eye corner). As Philip was taken away from his new friend, so is God steering my path out of my Langley community (go ahead... rejoice like the Ethiopian ;)). But just like Philip, I trust God will give me excitement, peace, confidence, and joy to fully depend on him and jump whole-heartedly into whatever adventure lies ahead....

Even though I'm not the biggest fan of change, I know the little thing I like to call "my life" is not about me. Change (seemingly good or bad, easy or difficult, exciting or scary...) is for God's glory and God's purposes alone. So, let's strap on our safety helmets and allow God to throw us into the beautiful journey ahead... knowing the One who goes before us and is faithful to carry us through.