Mark 10:13-16 "People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.' And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them."
This passage was always special when I was a child, but it's even more profound now that I'm older. Oh, to see the world through the eyes of a 5-year-old! Their scope of time, satisfaction in little things (like silly faces or funny noises), dependence on others... we have a lot we can learn from little ones. I just spent over 3 hours babysitting a little girl who was completely entertained by her imagination alone! Her array of "sisters" and friends all over the house, the different planets she was from, the variety of languages she spoke (including cotton-candy and Texas!), and the amount of time she could spent dancing in one room to her own music just amazed me! She didn't need to be watching a movie, playing a board game, or even doing a craft to have fun. She found joy in being herself.
I remember an hour feeling like a lifetime when I was little. And one whole day- well that was an eternity! Now, I'm constantly checking my schedule tyring to remember what I have planned next... I frequently forget to stop and just be. The little kids I know don't often discuss their upcoming agenda... they do relate humorous stories of the past few days or things they saw an hour earlier, but they don't constantly await the next thing on their to-do list. They just enjoy the moment! I love the phrase Carpe Diem ("seize the day"), but it's almost counterintuitive to actually live with this mindset (at least for me... it's probably easy for some to take this idea to the other exteme and only "live in the moment" without having any concept of future consquences). Which side do you fall on?
Tonight I was also reminded to find joy in little things. One funny face or slightest hint of an alien voice and S burst into hysterical laughter! It often takes a little more than that to make me laugh. Now, I'm not saying we should all have a 5-year-old's sense of humor, but perhaps we could at least appreciate the joy that kids find in the silliest of things (even when we don't find them funny). I'm learning to enjoy watching others laugh and be encouraged by their outward display of inward joy... I often get annoyed when people laugh at things I don't think are necessarily funny, but maybe I could just be glad they are having a good time and personally find joy in their satisfaction.
Back to the verses, though... one application of this passage relates to our willingness to be dependent. Kids know they need help reaching the cup, tying their shoes, brushing their teeth, remembering their homework... and they aren't afraid to ask for help. Of course, they will/should exercise more and more indepence as they grow, but they aren't afraid of relying on someone else. They don't see it as a sign of weakness as we do. I think there's a difference in knowing your limitations and being wise about asking for guidance versus allowing yourself to wallow in selfish dependence on others for things you are capable of doing.
Well, I could ramble for a lot longer, but I won't. Remember... if you haven't spent any time around children lately, you should! We can learn from everyone!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Complaining
Recently I've noticed that I've been complaining a lot! It's terrible!!!! About the weather... being tired... not being able to do something... over and over I complain. It's getting annoying to me, so I can't imagine how bothersome I am to others! (friends and family, please forgive me- and slap me next time I'm whining! seriously!)
Just a couple days ago I was grumbling about the rain, and God nudged me to consider Joplin, Missouri. Whew was that a slap in the face or what!? Here I am facing some rain and chilly "winds" while inside my still-standing home with my family by my side... and I'm complaining. Now, that's embarassing! But why do I (dare I say "we") frequently do this??
The answer is often in perspective. When we fix our eyes on the things two feet in front of us, it's easy to lose sight of the big picture. I too quickly forget about the other 6 billion (plus) people on the planet! There's always someone worse off than us (now, that's not to discount personal pain and suffering... just remember you're not alone).
Ya know that glass half empty/half full analogy? One side is the optimist, one side is the pessimist... both sides are realists. And who do you like to spend more time with?? (Here's where you answer "optimist;" it's a rhetorical question....) So combat complaining with a little perspective and a splash of optimism! And remind me to do the same =)
Just a couple days ago I was grumbling about the rain, and God nudged me to consider Joplin, Missouri. Whew was that a slap in the face or what!? Here I am facing some rain and chilly "winds" while inside my still-standing home with my family by my side... and I'm complaining. Now, that's embarassing! But why do I (dare I say "we") frequently do this??
The answer is often in perspective. When we fix our eyes on the things two feet in front of us, it's easy to lose sight of the big picture. I too quickly forget about the other 6 billion (plus) people on the planet! There's always someone worse off than us (now, that's not to discount personal pain and suffering... just remember you're not alone).
Ya know that glass half empty/half full analogy? One side is the optimist, one side is the pessimist... both sides are realists. And who do you like to spend more time with?? (Here's where you answer "optimist;" it's a rhetorical question....) So combat complaining with a little perspective and a splash of optimism! And remind me to do the same =)
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Silence
I often hate silence. Stillness, solitude, empty air. It all bothers me (most of the time).
I always have music on when I'm driving, I talk out-loud to myself constantly, I make tapping noises just for the sake of filling the silence, and I'm notorious for humming any random tune nearly all the time.
Why?? Why can't I just sit calmly in silence, soaking up the pleasure of each passing second? Why does there always have to be noise?
Part of it could be fear of boredom. I strongly dislike feeling like I'm wasting time. So for some reason, I must think that by filling the silence, I'm actually doing something with my time. (I see the fallaciousness of this thought process, but my sub-conscience does not....). Or it could be that I start to over-think everything when I'm sitting in silence. My mind often naturally fixates itself on the negatives (fears, what-ifs, worst scenarios...) when it's left on its own. I like the distractions that noises bring.
But sometimes, I like silence. Or the soft sounds silence reveals.
The gentle movement of the wind, the buzzing of my computer, a distant car driving by.... beautiful reminders that complete silence doesn't exist. Silence is perceived only when the mind tunes out the rest of the world. Noises don't necessarily stop, but your ears sometimes cease hearing them. "Silence" reminds you sounds always exists.
Monday, May 9, 2011
And the lights came on...
As I was leaving the gym tonight, I found myself in a mopey mood. I don't really know why, but I just didn't feel myself. I made my way to the little white toyota camry I borrowed from my parents (my car is almost out of gas, and I didn't feel like stopping tonight) and started the car for the 6 minute drive home. I noticed the inside of my car was pretty dark, but I didn't think too much of it.
I was making my way down Division in the left lane when a creepy man tried to pull his suburban right up beside me. When I got into the left turn lane, he pulled close to the line and I stayed a bit farther back to avoid making any annoying eye contact. I just didn't feel like communicating with anyone at the moment, even non-verbally. Still annoyed and even grumpier, I quickly turned left at the signal.
Well, I made my way up the little side street, and after one little hill I saw bright flashing red and blue lights in my rear-view mirror. Now, at first I thought the vehicle just needed to get by me, but of course he pulled up right on my tail and stopped. That's right- I was being pulled over! Immediately I panicked. I turned off the radio, grabbed my wallet... and the tears began to flow. I fiddled with the window for quite a while until I finally figured out how to get it down as the car was still quite dark. By the time the officer reached my window, I was already a wreck. I had my debit card in my hand (yeah- what on earth was I thinking?!?! It was the first card I reached for out of my wallet) and was basically bawling at this point. He could see I was pretty confused, and gently said, "All I need is your licence and registration." I quickly traded my debit card for my license and began searching frantically for the registration within the glove-box. I started to explain this was my parents' car, and I didn't know where the registration was. He didn't seem to want the owner's manual for the little toyota....
He calmly asked if everything was okay as the tears continued to pour from my eyes. I assured him that I was just really tired. "Officer, I've never been pulled over," I managed to squeak out through tears, "I don't know what to do." My mind blurred as I pictured myself being escorted to jail as a thief of some boring white camry. Where the heck was the registration??
"Is there a reason your lights aren't on?" he said with a slight smile.
"Um.. what?" I stuttered as I searched around the steering wheel for a way to turn them on. "Oh, I thought it was awfully dark in here..." I managed to whimper. That's it- he must think this is stolen if I can't even find the stinkin lights!
The officer carefully reached his hand through the window and twisted the left knob on the little stick thing protruding form the steering wheel until my headlights finally appeared. "You feel pretty silly now, don't you?" he mocked lightly. "Yes, I feel very silly... I'm so sorry," I continued to mumble.
For about the eightieth time he asked if I was okay. Now embarassment was falling from my eyes in liquid form- ceaselessly. He finally ended by urging, "just pull yourself together before you get back on the road." After he returned to his car, I sat stunned, unsure if I was allowed to drive away or not. He was the first to pull out after a short bit of time, and I continued choking back tears, attempting to pull myself together. I drove the rest of the way home at least 5 miles under the speed limit with my eyes glued to the road, hands shaking as I tried to grip the wheel confidently. It's over. You didn't get arrested. You didn't get a ticket. You didn't even get a harsh warning from the officer! Girl, you better not let that happen again, I sternly told myself.
Words of reprimand continued to flood my thoughts as I swore never to do anything "silly" again. I could feel myself spiraling down a never-ending path of self-destruction. You deserved to get a ticket... or worse... don't ever do anything like that again! I let myself soak in embarassment, fearful anyone would ever find out of this horrible experience.
Then, the lights came on in my own head. Kristina, why do you take things SO seriously?? Come on now, that whole incident was pretty funny... Laugh if off! You're probably going to do several more stupid things in your life, so you better learn to deal with it in a healthy way! Tears are often your first reaction, but are they really necessary?? You're FINE!
Yes, I will do many more "silly" things in my life, I'm sure... and I'll probably shed a few more tears. But by God's grace, the lights will continue to come on, and I'll keep stepping out of this skewed view of a perfect reality... inch by inch. I will likely react with tears in many more cases, but perhaps they will dissolve even faster next time. I refuse to allow myself to miss out on the joys of life by wallowing in a pit of inwardly-focused despair.
Don't get caught in the dark. But when you do, embrace the light when you see it flicker.
I was making my way down Division in the left lane when a creepy man tried to pull his suburban right up beside me. When I got into the left turn lane, he pulled close to the line and I stayed a bit farther back to avoid making any annoying eye contact. I just didn't feel like communicating with anyone at the moment, even non-verbally. Still annoyed and even grumpier, I quickly turned left at the signal.
Well, I made my way up the little side street, and after one little hill I saw bright flashing red and blue lights in my rear-view mirror. Now, at first I thought the vehicle just needed to get by me, but of course he pulled up right on my tail and stopped. That's right- I was being pulled over! Immediately I panicked. I turned off the radio, grabbed my wallet... and the tears began to flow. I fiddled with the window for quite a while until I finally figured out how to get it down as the car was still quite dark. By the time the officer reached my window, I was already a wreck. I had my debit card in my hand (yeah- what on earth was I thinking?!?! It was the first card I reached for out of my wallet) and was basically bawling at this point. He could see I was pretty confused, and gently said, "All I need is your licence and registration." I quickly traded my debit card for my license and began searching frantically for the registration within the glove-box. I started to explain this was my parents' car, and I didn't know where the registration was. He didn't seem to want the owner's manual for the little toyota....
He calmly asked if everything was okay as the tears continued to pour from my eyes. I assured him that I was just really tired. "Officer, I've never been pulled over," I managed to squeak out through tears, "I don't know what to do." My mind blurred as I pictured myself being escorted to jail as a thief of some boring white camry. Where the heck was the registration??
"Is there a reason your lights aren't on?" he said with a slight smile.
"Um.. what?" I stuttered as I searched around the steering wheel for a way to turn them on. "Oh, I thought it was awfully dark in here..." I managed to whimper. That's it- he must think this is stolen if I can't even find the stinkin lights!
The officer carefully reached his hand through the window and twisted the left knob on the little stick thing protruding form the steering wheel until my headlights finally appeared. "You feel pretty silly now, don't you?" he mocked lightly. "Yes, I feel very silly... I'm so sorry," I continued to mumble.
For about the eightieth time he asked if I was okay. Now embarassment was falling from my eyes in liquid form- ceaselessly. He finally ended by urging, "just pull yourself together before you get back on the road." After he returned to his car, I sat stunned, unsure if I was allowed to drive away or not. He was the first to pull out after a short bit of time, and I continued choking back tears, attempting to pull myself together. I drove the rest of the way home at least 5 miles under the speed limit with my eyes glued to the road, hands shaking as I tried to grip the wheel confidently. It's over. You didn't get arrested. You didn't get a ticket. You didn't even get a harsh warning from the officer! Girl, you better not let that happen again, I sternly told myself.
Words of reprimand continued to flood my thoughts as I swore never to do anything "silly" again. I could feel myself spiraling down a never-ending path of self-destruction. You deserved to get a ticket... or worse... don't ever do anything like that again! I let myself soak in embarassment, fearful anyone would ever find out of this horrible experience.
Then, the lights came on in my own head. Kristina, why do you take things SO seriously?? Come on now, that whole incident was pretty funny... Laugh if off! You're probably going to do several more stupid things in your life, so you better learn to deal with it in a healthy way! Tears are often your first reaction, but are they really necessary?? You're FINE!
Yes, I will do many more "silly" things in my life, I'm sure... and I'll probably shed a few more tears. But by God's grace, the lights will continue to come on, and I'll keep stepping out of this skewed view of a perfect reality... inch by inch. I will likely react with tears in many more cases, but perhaps they will dissolve even faster next time. I refuse to allow myself to miss out on the joys of life by wallowing in a pit of inwardly-focused despair.
Don't get caught in the dark. But when you do, embrace the light when you see it flicker.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Influence
"I am a flower quickly fading... here today and gone tomorrow... a wave tossed in the ocean... a vapor in the wind..."
A few days ago a lady came into work who vividly reminded of a friend who passed away in February. I almost did a double take, but I the thought's of DS's death flooded my memory soon enough. I've been babysitting her kids the past 3 or 4 years, and the news of brain cancer last November (a year and a half ago) shocked everyone. She was one of THE SWEETEST women I have ever met. Her grace towards her kids, her gentle spirit, her encouraging smile, and her calming presence made an impact on my life more than she will ever know. Especially when I'm with her kids, I find myself asking, "How would D have handled this situation? Would she have been as harsh as me? Are my words as soft and kind as hers? Are my actions as loving as she would have demonstrated?"
Now, I wouldn't say that I was especially close to her, but she was one of those people who made you feel special no matter how well she knew you. Even when I was having a bad day, I could walk into her house and feel loved... appreciated... accepted. How did someone's presence cast off such a beautiful light?(metaphorically of course... but she always was quite tan haha). How did she leave such an impact on my life? She's one of those people I really wish I had a chance to get to know better. But I'm grateful for the time we did have.
The lines at the top of a page are from one of my favorite songs by Casting Crowns (I can't remember the name right now, but I'll check later... maybe it's called "Who am I"?). the songs speaks of our lives being only a tiny glimpses in all of eternity- we're here one day and gone the next. Discouraging? Perhaps a little.
However, our legacy lives. DS's body is in the grave, but the impact she had while alive lingers with those she knew. I want to have the kind of influence on others that she had on me, even in the short time I was blessed to know her.
A speaker at a leadership camp I once attended shared a short story I will never forget; she was talking about her recently deceased son and the influence he had on others. When describing his friendships, she said something to the effect of, "he treated everyone as if they were his best friend." Ok, at first I thought this was a bit extreme...but then I thought about how I try and treat my best friends- with openness, acceptance, genuine care, understanding, loyalty, faithfulness, compassion, encouragement, love... why not treat everyone this way?? (well, go easy on the openness I guess- it's probably not the best idea to unleash all your problems on every stranger you meet!) Shouldn't we view everyone with the non-judgemental eyes of Christ, with a heart seeking to know them for who they are, and a gracious spirit of acceptance of love?
When I think of why DS influenced my life in such a profound way, I realize it was because she couldn't help it. God gushed from within her. The love she showed was not of her own- she simply poured out the love of the Holy Spirit who so vibrantly lived in her thoughts, words, and actions. Influence does not necessarily come from spending a great deal of time with someone. I think it can just as easily come from living out a life of love and embracing others just as they are. Yes, our time is short (especially in the scheme of eternity), but influence is not confined to the physical time in which our bodies are alive. So don't be afraid of leaving this earth- live so your influence will last.
A few days ago a lady came into work who vividly reminded of a friend who passed away in February. I almost did a double take, but I the thought's of DS's death flooded my memory soon enough. I've been babysitting her kids the past 3 or 4 years, and the news of brain cancer last November (a year and a half ago) shocked everyone. She was one of THE SWEETEST women I have ever met. Her grace towards her kids, her gentle spirit, her encouraging smile, and her calming presence made an impact on my life more than she will ever know. Especially when I'm with her kids, I find myself asking, "How would D have handled this situation? Would she have been as harsh as me? Are my words as soft and kind as hers? Are my actions as loving as she would have demonstrated?"
Now, I wouldn't say that I was especially close to her, but she was one of those people who made you feel special no matter how well she knew you. Even when I was having a bad day, I could walk into her house and feel loved... appreciated... accepted. How did someone's presence cast off such a beautiful light?(metaphorically of course... but she always was quite tan haha). How did she leave such an impact on my life? She's one of those people I really wish I had a chance to get to know better. But I'm grateful for the time we did have.
The lines at the top of a page are from one of my favorite songs by Casting Crowns (I can't remember the name right now, but I'll check later... maybe it's called "Who am I"?). the songs speaks of our lives being only a tiny glimpses in all of eternity- we're here one day and gone the next. Discouraging? Perhaps a little.
However, our legacy lives. DS's body is in the grave, but the impact she had while alive lingers with those she knew. I want to have the kind of influence on others that she had on me, even in the short time I was blessed to know her.
A speaker at a leadership camp I once attended shared a short story I will never forget; she was talking about her recently deceased son and the influence he had on others. When describing his friendships, she said something to the effect of, "he treated everyone as if they were his best friend." Ok, at first I thought this was a bit extreme...but then I thought about how I try and treat my best friends- with openness, acceptance, genuine care, understanding, loyalty, faithfulness, compassion, encouragement, love... why not treat everyone this way?? (well, go easy on the openness I guess- it's probably not the best idea to unleash all your problems on every stranger you meet!) Shouldn't we view everyone with the non-judgemental eyes of Christ, with a heart seeking to know them for who they are, and a gracious spirit of acceptance of love?
When I think of why DS influenced my life in such a profound way, I realize it was because she couldn't help it. God gushed from within her. The love she showed was not of her own- she simply poured out the love of the Holy Spirit who so vibrantly lived in her thoughts, words, and actions. Influence does not necessarily come from spending a great deal of time with someone. I think it can just as easily come from living out a life of love and embracing others just as they are. Yes, our time is short (especially in the scheme of eternity), but influence is not confined to the physical time in which our bodies are alive. So don't be afraid of leaving this earth- live so your influence will last.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Humble Confidence
Option one: Prideful "Confidence."
Pride can so easily get in the way of how we live. The need to perform better than others, to puff ourselves up and fan our feathers. I often get caught up comparing myself to others for the sake of making myself feel better. Why do we need to boast about our accomplishments, our grades, our althetic endeavors, our experiences? Is is really because we think we're "all that"? Nope. It's cause we know we're Not! Well, generally... I guess a few truly prideful people exist in the world, but it often stems from insecurity. The desire to appear better than others in order to gain approval is a dangerous trap leading to a downward spiral of over emphasis of what others think along with a skewed view of oneself. But, we all do it. Trying to appear confident while really appearing prideful only drives others away.
Option two: "Humble" Self-doubt.
So many times I've forced myself to run from the pridful way of thought, but I end up putting myself down or wallowing in lack of confidence. I don't think I'm worth much. I don't have faith in my abilities, gifts, or strengths. The mask of humily is only hiding self-doubt. I have thought this is better than pride, but really isn't it the same? Both ways discount who I really am- in Christ. This way just makes me feel like I'm at least trying to be a "good person." Sadly, this humble self-doubt also drives others away- no one wants to be around a downer!
Option three: "Humble Confidence"
So, there's gotta be a nice middle ground. Why is it so easy to either focus on your own weaknesses or your strengths but never a proper balance of the two? (Ok, well at least I haven't figured out the happy medium, but I'm open to whatever secret formula you've come up with!) God has really been challenging me with the term "humble confidence" these past few months, but I've yet to fully grasp the intangible concept. I hate vagueness. Just give me a clear-cut formula, and I'll take it from there. Ah, but we're not called to a religion of formulaic processes to achieve holiness. We're called to faith. If Jesus only came to show us how to live, why then did he have to die?
"I have confidence, my Lord's gonna see me through... no matter what the case may be, my Lord, my Lord's gonna face it with me"
This was a catchy little song I would sing with my cheerleading squad right before we hit the floor for a dance or competition (yes, I was a cheerleader haha shocking, right?). I love how the song says that the reason for our confidence comes from knowing God will be by our side, not from knowing we are fully capable on our own. Perhaps "humble confidence" means humbly recognizing your confidence is found completely in the awesomeness of our Lord.
God, teach me humble confidence so I can find my complete worth in YOU.
Pride can so easily get in the way of how we live. The need to perform better than others, to puff ourselves up and fan our feathers. I often get caught up comparing myself to others for the sake of making myself feel better. Why do we need to boast about our accomplishments, our grades, our althetic endeavors, our experiences? Is is really because we think we're "all that"? Nope. It's cause we know we're Not! Well, generally... I guess a few truly prideful people exist in the world, but it often stems from insecurity. The desire to appear better than others in order to gain approval is a dangerous trap leading to a downward spiral of over emphasis of what others think along with a skewed view of oneself. But, we all do it. Trying to appear confident while really appearing prideful only drives others away.
Option two: "Humble" Self-doubt.
So many times I've forced myself to run from the pridful way of thought, but I end up putting myself down or wallowing in lack of confidence. I don't think I'm worth much. I don't have faith in my abilities, gifts, or strengths. The mask of humily is only hiding self-doubt. I have thought this is better than pride, but really isn't it the same? Both ways discount who I really am- in Christ. This way just makes me feel like I'm at least trying to be a "good person." Sadly, this humble self-doubt also drives others away- no one wants to be around a downer!
Option three: "Humble Confidence"
So, there's gotta be a nice middle ground. Why is it so easy to either focus on your own weaknesses or your strengths but never a proper balance of the two? (Ok, well at least I haven't figured out the happy medium, but I'm open to whatever secret formula you've come up with!) God has really been challenging me with the term "humble confidence" these past few months, but I've yet to fully grasp the intangible concept. I hate vagueness. Just give me a clear-cut formula, and I'll take it from there. Ah, but we're not called to a religion of formulaic processes to achieve holiness. We're called to faith. If Jesus only came to show us how to live, why then did he have to die?
"I have confidence, my Lord's gonna see me through... no matter what the case may be, my Lord, my Lord's gonna face it with me"
This was a catchy little song I would sing with my cheerleading squad right before we hit the floor for a dance or competition (yes, I was a cheerleader haha shocking, right?). I love how the song says that the reason for our confidence comes from knowing God will be by our side, not from knowing we are fully capable on our own. Perhaps "humble confidence" means humbly recognizing your confidence is found completely in the awesomeness of our Lord.
God, teach me humble confidence so I can find my complete worth in YOU.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)