Throw lemons back in life's face and say (nicely), "I don't want your stinkin lemons!"
Isn't that how that phrase should really end?? That whole "make lemonade" comeback is starting to get to me. I'm tired of optimism. Sometimes life is sour, difficult, unrelentingly painful... and I don't want to make lemonade- I just want to get rid of the lemons!
I've always considered myself an optimistic person, which I thought was a good thing. But, I'm reazling that "fakeness" is easy to cover under the label of "optimism." I don't really believe everything will be okay, but I slap a cheesy smile on my face and go about my day as if everything is peachy-keen. Why?
1. I'm afraid. (Of allowing myself to experience pain, afraid of dealing with how the pain will change my actions, afraid of being vulnerable)
2. I'm embarrassed. (Of others really knowing how I feel... of being judged)
3. It's the easy way out. (It's much easier to feign happiness than to choose true joy in the midst of a painful situation)
Now, don't hear me wrong... I'm still all for optimism. But there needs to be a balance of optimism and realism in order to optimism to be real. (that probably sounds like the most ridiculous sentence, but it makes sense to me haha). Unless optimism is grounded on truth (sometime real) and balanced with an appropriate view of reality, its deceptive fakeness will eat you alive. Eventually you'll get tired of being "optimistically" fake and chances are you'll flop to the other extreme- negatively-focused, irrational, self-destroying pessimism.
It's frustrating how hard it is to be real with people. Even worse, it's often hard to be real with yourself. If you allow yourself to admit you're hurting, chances are someone else will find out too. So sometimes it's easier not to let yourself even go there. Just fake a grin and tell yourself it'll be okay. At least that's what I've done too many times... However, that skewed view of "optimism" has unleashed a destructive demon that tells me only to look at the "positives," even if they aren't real, and to never look at anything "negative," even if it is real. I've ended up trying to convince myself that "making lemonade" means pulling some perfectly happy idea out of thin air and avoiding anything difficult altogether. But that's not healthy.
It's okay to feel like throwing lemons back in life's face... but it's important to know you can't. It's also okay to focus on the positive things that are present... but not to deceive yourself into thinking only the positives exist. In the end, recognize reality and do whatever you want with those stinkin lemons. Just let yourself be real with you and others.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Fear
Thought-distorting,
Vision-blurring,
All-consuming Fear
Seeps into the mind of her prey,
Constricting every ounce of Courage around.
After lying dormant in the depths of the darkness,
Fear is aroused.
She steals Joy.
She squanders Peace.
And she silences all of Reason's voice
Instantly.
Slipping into every thought and emotion,
Fear proceeds to grow exponentially,
Feigning Truth as she manipulates her victim.
Fuelled by Doubt, Worry, and Deceit,
She burns her mark on everything.
The time for victory has arrived,
The wounds she creates cannot be repaired.
Fear not only lives in the present,
She's foreshadowed in the future
And reflected in the past.
She cannot be removed.
Until Love arrives.
Thought-repairing,
Vision-clearing,
All-consuming Love
Breaks through the barriers of her beloved,
Casting Fear to her death.
Love is here to stay.
1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear."
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Honey Bucket
Every time I'm driving and I see a Honey Bucket (outhouse) on the side of the road, I just have to chuckle. HONEY BUCKET?? Really? That phrase makes for such a gross picture in my head, I can't even tell you. But, I do suppose it's clever euphemism.
Have you ever felt like a honey bucket yourself? (Don't over-think that one, please!) I just mean... have you ever tried to put on a sweet external facade when inside you're melting with fear, bursting with anger, or just wanting to collapse? Hiding your true emotions from people who care about you is one of the most frustrating things to try and do... so why do we do it so often?
Fear of rejection? Inner turmoil? Negative self-deprecation? Embarrassment? I could probably keep going for there isn't one answer all the time. But none of the answers are good reasons; they're real, yes, but not good. (Okay the only one I can come up with that's acceptable- politeness... I understand there are some times it's necessary to put on a professional front when you're falling apart inside... but right now I'm talking about why aren't we real with people who know us and care about us?) There are even times I peg people as untrustworthy, but I think this can be just another excuse. More often than not, fear of vulnerability is deeper rooted... especially with close friends who I know I can trust.
It seems to come down to lack of something. I've heard it called many things- loving yourself, being happy with who you are, personal acceptance... but I've never really liked any of those terms. There will always be things I dislike about myself and seek to change/grow in, so the satisfaction of self must go deeper than personality and character (things that are dynamic).
To me, it makes more sense to identify the thing missing as self-worth. From where you gather this self-worth, however, varies. As a Christian, I am able to find unchanging self-worth in the presence of the Holy Spirit within me. I know how unworthy I am as an individual apart from Christ (my rebellious heart, destructive thoughts, harmful actions), but I also know I don't have to be identified by my sinful nature.
Paul beautifully addresses this paradox in Romans 8: 9-17....
"Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.
You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you.
Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.
For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."
If you didn't read all of that, the jist is that identification with Christ by means of the Holy Spirit brings life. Grab on to the reigns of worth attached directly to the author of Life.
Oh how there are times where I feel like I'm rotting inside... and in these times I dare not let anyone in. My head screams with pain trying to escape while my face protects a smile; a lifted chin and pulled back shoulders attempt to hide a crying heart. I cling to the honey-bucket of my old self rather than claiming present identity in my Savior.
When I hold fast to Jesus, I have no excuse to hide behind a smile. There is no fear, embarrassment, or disappointment when I see myself as God sees me- covered by the blood of the Lamb, righteous and pure in Him.
Have you ever felt like a honey bucket yourself? (Don't over-think that one, please!) I just mean... have you ever tried to put on a sweet external facade when inside you're melting with fear, bursting with anger, or just wanting to collapse? Hiding your true emotions from people who care about you is one of the most frustrating things to try and do... so why do we do it so often?
Fear of rejection? Inner turmoil? Negative self-deprecation? Embarrassment? I could probably keep going for there isn't one answer all the time. But none of the answers are good reasons; they're real, yes, but not good. (Okay the only one I can come up with that's acceptable- politeness... I understand there are some times it's necessary to put on a professional front when you're falling apart inside... but right now I'm talking about why aren't we real with people who know us and care about us?) There are even times I peg people as untrustworthy, but I think this can be just another excuse. More often than not, fear of vulnerability is deeper rooted... especially with close friends who I know I can trust.
It seems to come down to lack of something. I've heard it called many things- loving yourself, being happy with who you are, personal acceptance... but I've never really liked any of those terms. There will always be things I dislike about myself and seek to change/grow in, so the satisfaction of self must go deeper than personality and character (things that are dynamic).
To me, it makes more sense to identify the thing missing as self-worth. From where you gather this self-worth, however, varies. As a Christian, I am able to find unchanging self-worth in the presence of the Holy Spirit within me. I know how unworthy I am as an individual apart from Christ (my rebellious heart, destructive thoughts, harmful actions), but I also know I don't have to be identified by my sinful nature.
Paul beautifully addresses this paradox in Romans 8: 9-17....
"Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.
You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you.
Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.
For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."
If you didn't read all of that, the jist is that identification with Christ by means of the Holy Spirit brings life. Grab on to the reigns of worth attached directly to the author of Life.
Oh how there are times where I feel like I'm rotting inside... and in these times I dare not let anyone in. My head screams with pain trying to escape while my face protects a smile; a lifted chin and pulled back shoulders attempt to hide a crying heart. I cling to the honey-bucket of my old self rather than claiming present identity in my Savior.
When I hold fast to Jesus, I have no excuse to hide behind a smile. There is no fear, embarrassment, or disappointment when I see myself as God sees me- covered by the blood of the Lamb, righteous and pure in Him.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Stop and Smell the Roses
Today on my way to an early babysitting job, I saw a hardcore runner on the side of the road. With sweat dripping down his face and muscles flexing throughout his spandex-stricken legs, I knew this guy was the real deal (did I mention it was before 7:00 am?? Hardcore, right?!). However, he was not running as I drove by. Instead, he was stopped in the midst of a neighbor's lawn... just smelling their roses... Now, when I go running, it's not uncommon for me to stop randomly for any kind of distraction- just for the sake of stopping! This guy, though, didn't appear to practice the art of stalling as I so often do. But for some reason, he considered these roses to be reason enough to stop. The joy found through a couple sniffs of nature's potpourri was worth the brief pause.
I guess I haven't thought about the phrase, "stop and smell the roses," in a while (probably because I rarely heed that advice). But the extremely literal analogy the roses-smelling runner provided this morning challenged me to re-evaluate how I can apply that phrase to my life.
I've written before about "being still," but I'm realizing what you do with that stillness is important too. I think at times I've used that desire to be still as an excuse to do nothing (at least nothing of any value to me or to others), but being still most definitely does not need to mean wasting time. Why not use the time of stillness as a time to reflect on personal challenges or growth, ponder how to edify others, focus on positive goals for the future, face inner struggles you haven't really wanted to face, or just chat it up with Jesus? You can't ever fully turn your mind off, but you can always turn it toward something good.
Times of rest don't need to be used in vain... instead of just stopping, why not stop and do something? Clearly not something physically exhausting (you can still REST), but something that will bring you and others joy.... like smelling roses =)
I guess I haven't thought about the phrase, "stop and smell the roses," in a while (probably because I rarely heed that advice). But the extremely literal analogy the roses-smelling runner provided this morning challenged me to re-evaluate how I can apply that phrase to my life.
I've written before about "being still," but I'm realizing what you do with that stillness is important too. I think at times I've used that desire to be still as an excuse to do nothing (at least nothing of any value to me or to others), but being still most definitely does not need to mean wasting time. Why not use the time of stillness as a time to reflect on personal challenges or growth, ponder how to edify others, focus on positive goals for the future, face inner struggles you haven't really wanted to face, or just chat it up with Jesus? You can't ever fully turn your mind off, but you can always turn it toward something good.
Times of rest don't need to be used in vain... instead of just stopping, why not stop and do something? Clearly not something physically exhausting (you can still REST), but something that will bring you and others joy.... like smelling roses =)
Sunday, July 17, 2011
First Impressions
I've been thinking a lot about how I view others... I try not to be a judgemental person, but what does that mean anyway? Isn't it natural to make judgements (or to form opinions) based on a person's actions, words, body language, and so on? I mean, you can't really help but form an opinion, right? (good or bad) And how do first impressions relate to being judgemental? Are they as important as people make them out to be? How often has a first impression of someone you've met proven to be an accurate depiction of their true character?
In my opinion, first impressions are important because they shape your bias. They don't completely shape your long-term definition of a person, but they certainly shape the way you view them from the get-go. Can first impressions change? Nope (you can't go back and develop a new FIRST impression.. duh). But your opinion of a person can, of course, change over time as you get to know someone more.
I'm struggling, however, with the difference between simply forming an opinion about another individual versus being judgemental (in the negative sense) towards someone. It seems to me that being judgemental entails more of "putting someone in a box," limiting your view of their capabilities, determining what they can or cannot do by their current circumstances or past reputation.... Forming an opinion of someone, on the other hand, has more to do with settling on a description of the person's character and personality based on his or her actions.
So back to the thing about first impressions. Too many times I've allowed first impressions to negatively shape not only how I view a person but how I interact with them for an extended period of time, perhaps as long as I've known them. Thoughts such as this person didn't grow up the same way I did so of course we'll never be friends have resulted in vacant friendships. In hope of being "guarded" I've ended up acting better than others rather than seeing them as Christ sees them. On the flip side, thoughts like this person is way too cool to ever be friends with me have deterred me from meeting some great people. I've allowed myself to be overly intimidated by my view of others, while calling this "humility," and haven't accepted their friendship. These approaches result in feelings of both pride and worthlessness within myself and towards others.
First impressions certainly have a place and can't really be avoided, but I've come to the point where I realize I cannot put too much weight on them. How much is too much? I have no idea. But I'm confident that by keeping a a balance of an open mind and guardedness, I will meet people and develop friendships that I would have missed out on otherwise. There isn't some magic formula on what that balance is, so I will move forward in caution and courage nonetheless.
Want a friend? Be a friend first.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Somebody to Love??
I'm a huge Queen fan (thanks, Mom!), and I've always liked their song Somebody to Love. Recently, though, I've seen/heard it in a new light...
I have a bit of a confession =) Normally I don't watch TV, let alone watch ridiculous shows... but I have unfortunately watched every episode of this season's bachelorette! Haha! Sadly, I made the mistake of watching the first episode a few weeks ago (or whenever it came out), and I've been hooked ever since. Before I spit out too many negative remarks, I do want to recognize that I can only perceive the cast as the producers present them. I'm sure there are some wonderful individuals among the show's cast, and I don't mean to judge any of them too harshly. However, the way the are presented and the values emphasized in the show tend to rub me the wrong way. I'm sorry if I come across as incredibly rude (and don't think I'm judging you if you watch the show either haha it's certainly entertaining)!
Anyway... all that preface to say I really don't like the show! How it portrays love, the emphasis on appearances, the shallowness of what it values... it's all so empty.
I knew I should have turned it off after episode 1. After watching the young woman meet 25 single men and hearing the cast evaluate each other's appearances time after time after time, I was struck by the narrowness of the criteria (both of the bachelorette and her suitors). Not one cast member failed to mention physical appearance of the others, expect the creeper who wore a black mask for the first week or two (I get what he was trying to do, but I'm not sure if he went about it in an appropriate manner). Ultimately, it seemed to be a fairly superficial first episode, but I just had to watch the next one =).
As the show progressed, I saw the individuals unguardedly begin to "fall for each other" and allow themselves to get swept away solely by emotion. Each individual seemed to be looking for "true love" but ultimately defined love as a warm, fuzzy feeling. I've yet to hear anyone mention respect, commitment, integrity, understanding, or even faithfulness as valuable aspects of a future relationship. They just want to FEEL a connection.
The tricky thing with a feeling, though, is that it will undoubtedly fade or change over time. You cannot base your life on how you feel- it's not fair to you or to others around you. Are feelings important? Yes! Should we be sensitive to them (both of ourselves and of others)? Of course! But let's not let them supersede reality, truth, or wisdom. (I don't really want to get in to the logistics of trusting our feelings or not... it still boggles my brain. I don't believe there is an accurate cookie cutter answer lol but here I go getting super side-tracked again. Thank for your patience)!
Back to the bachelorette... as I watched both group dates and one-on-ones, the depth of the relationships saddened me. It really doesn't seem like the girl is getting to know the true character of her bachelors nor are the men seeing the bachelorette for who she truly is. Even while going through an emotionally exhausting few weeks, the bachelorette shied away from sharing the reality of her pain with anyone else (okay, well, I might instinctively do the same so I'm not trying to judge... at the same time, though, I don't see how you can expect to get to know someone else unless you first become a bit vulnerable yourself). It almost seems like the viewers know the cast better than they know each other! And the bachelorette is really looking for a ring at the end of this brief season? Is she that desperate to find "true love" and "settle down with that special someone"? It kinda seems like she might be rushing things a bit!
As I've watched myself get sucked into this show, I've been challenged to re-evaluate how I define love. Am I really wanting God to bring into my life someone for me to love, or am I simply searching for someone to love me. Until I can honestly answer the first part with a definite yes, I'm not ready to meet that "special someone."I will never be able to find another human who will be able to love me unconditionally exactly for who I am (sheesh I can't even love myself for who I truly am so I could never expect someone else to!), yet part of me is still looking to be loved rather than to love. Deep down, I know that I can confidently rest in the truth that I will always be loved by my Creator... I don't NEED unconditional love from another finite being. I'm loved enough as it is =). Now, I just have to live that out.
Perhaps I will eventually seek to love another as my Lord loves me, knowing only through Christ in me can I show true love. Someday, I just might find somebody to love.
I have a bit of a confession =) Normally I don't watch TV, let alone watch ridiculous shows... but I have unfortunately watched every episode of this season's bachelorette! Haha! Sadly, I made the mistake of watching the first episode a few weeks ago (or whenever it came out), and I've been hooked ever since. Before I spit out too many negative remarks, I do want to recognize that I can only perceive the cast as the producers present them. I'm sure there are some wonderful individuals among the show's cast, and I don't mean to judge any of them too harshly. However, the way the are presented and the values emphasized in the show tend to rub me the wrong way. I'm sorry if I come across as incredibly rude (and don't think I'm judging you if you watch the show either haha it's certainly entertaining)!
Anyway... all that preface to say I really don't like the show! How it portrays love, the emphasis on appearances, the shallowness of what it values... it's all so empty.
I knew I should have turned it off after episode 1. After watching the young woman meet 25 single men and hearing the cast evaluate each other's appearances time after time after time, I was struck by the narrowness of the criteria (both of the bachelorette and her suitors). Not one cast member failed to mention physical appearance of the others, expect the creeper who wore a black mask for the first week or two (I get what he was trying to do, but I'm not sure if he went about it in an appropriate manner). Ultimately, it seemed to be a fairly superficial first episode, but I just had to watch the next one =).
As the show progressed, I saw the individuals unguardedly begin to "fall for each other" and allow themselves to get swept away solely by emotion. Each individual seemed to be looking for "true love" but ultimately defined love as a warm, fuzzy feeling. I've yet to hear anyone mention respect, commitment, integrity, understanding, or even faithfulness as valuable aspects of a future relationship. They just want to FEEL a connection.
The tricky thing with a feeling, though, is that it will undoubtedly fade or change over time. You cannot base your life on how you feel- it's not fair to you or to others around you. Are feelings important? Yes! Should we be sensitive to them (both of ourselves and of others)? Of course! But let's not let them supersede reality, truth, or wisdom. (I don't really want to get in to the logistics of trusting our feelings or not... it still boggles my brain. I don't believe there is an accurate cookie cutter answer lol but here I go getting super side-tracked again. Thank for your patience)!
Back to the bachelorette... as I watched both group dates and one-on-ones, the depth of the relationships saddened me. It really doesn't seem like the girl is getting to know the true character of her bachelors nor are the men seeing the bachelorette for who she truly is. Even while going through an emotionally exhausting few weeks, the bachelorette shied away from sharing the reality of her pain with anyone else (okay, well, I might instinctively do the same so I'm not trying to judge... at the same time, though, I don't see how you can expect to get to know someone else unless you first become a bit vulnerable yourself). It almost seems like the viewers know the cast better than they know each other! And the bachelorette is really looking for a ring at the end of this brief season? Is she that desperate to find "true love" and "settle down with that special someone"? It kinda seems like she might be rushing things a bit!
As I've watched myself get sucked into this show, I've been challenged to re-evaluate how I define love. Am I really wanting God to bring into my life someone for me to love, or am I simply searching for someone to love me. Until I can honestly answer the first part with a definite yes, I'm not ready to meet that "special someone."I will never be able to find another human who will be able to love me unconditionally exactly for who I am (sheesh I can't even love myself for who I truly am so I could never expect someone else to!), yet part of me is still looking to be loved rather than to love. Deep down, I know that I can confidently rest in the truth that I will always be loved by my Creator... I don't NEED unconditional love from another finite being. I'm loved enough as it is =). Now, I just have to live that out.
Perhaps I will eventually seek to love another as my Lord loves me, knowing only through Christ in me can I show true love. Someday, I just might find somebody to love.
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