Little Dogs

*Disclaimer* Read with caution if you like little dogs, have a little dog, or will be offended by hearing a contrary stance on your love of little dogs...My kindness filter might be off-kilter a bit, and I'll probably have to ask for forgiveness at some point after writing this haha You've been warned.

I'm sorry to say, I'm just not a natural-born believer in a little dog's unique charm... Their yippy voices, wiry frames, beady eyes, and often aggressive demeanors have always rubbed me the wrong way (I know not every little dog fits these descriptions, so here's a good place to insert an apology for stereotyping!) I attribute my tendencies towards annoyance and dislike of the tiny creatures to my dad. He's always found great joy in labeling little dogs as "toilet brushes," because "that's really the only thing they're good for," and my spongy mind soaked up this presupposition as a child. I've found that over the years this label has become more engrained in my mentality, to the point where my initial reaction to seeing almost any little dog is "gross, that should go in a toilet." Yikes!!! How horrible am I?!

What's worse than my internal judgements of little dogs is the external expression of my offensive opinions. I've had quite a few "open mouth, insert foot" experiences centered around the innocent creatures. I don't hide my thoughts or emotions particularly well, and I've said things (verbally and non-verbally) that were better left unsaid. You know that wise saying your mother used to say, "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all..." well, I should really take that to heart a bit more often. I mean, really, how necessary is it to harshly proclaim, "Ew, is that a dog?" or to allow a snarky look to wave across my face when I decide to try and keep my mouth shut. My face ends up saying it all.

Well, as much as I'd love to keep ranting about my miniature-canine frustration, I better cut to the chase of this profound (*cough*) thought stream. While I've griped and complained about the yipping, scratching, shaking, annoying little creatures commonly referred to as "cute little dogs," I've been challenged with several applicable thoughts… they've done nothing wrong to me, so what on earth do I have against them… they can't help it, I need to love them… 

I’d forgotten about the post sitting in my “draft” box for the past several months until the most recent little dog encounter. As I was babysitting this weekend, the family’s most recent addition to the family (a puppy version of a little dog) was wearing on my patience. I felt like I’d constantly been telling him to get out of the kitchen, drop the toilet paper, get away from whatever he’d been chewing… his annoyance level kept increasing rapidly until one of the boys made a passing comment to me… 

Little puppy dog was pawing at my arms and giving me the most pathetic tongue-hanging-out-of-mouth look while, of course, producing countless whimpers and wines, and my reaction was simply “Go away!” The 9-year-old boy from across the room, sidetracked by his video game, half-heartedly commented, “he just wants some loves.”

That’s it. Love. Puppy just wanted to be loved.

Was I seriously being convicted by my lack of love towards a pesky puppy? Yep. It hit me harder than I care to admit. This yappy creature just wanted a tiny dose of my affection, a glimpse of fondness. He wanted to be noticed, be cared for, be enjoyed…. He was trying to receive my love by reminding me of his presence. Surely, if I only knew he was there, I would readily extend love.

As often as I’ve told myself time and time again that whatever love I have toward someone else is from the Lord, it’s hard to remember.  I know that true love extended by me is not of myself; I simply don’t have it in me to crank out love on a whim. Love, in any capacity, is completely from the Lord. Sure, I can easily extend affection toward people I like, but it’s difficult to love them. Like actually LOVE them.

So, all this to say, may the Lord make my love for others abound more and more, including love for the “little dogs” in my life. 

Beauty in a Caldera

"I will make rivers flow on barren heights,

and springs within the valleys.

I will put in the desert 

the cedar and the acacia, the myrtle and the olive.

I will set junipers in the wasteland, 

the fir and the cypress together,

so that people may see and know,

may consider and understand,

that the hand of the Lord has done this,

that the Holy One of Israel has created it."

Isaiah 41:18-20

This past week I had an incredible opportunity to camp with a group of Christian science-lovers at Paulina Lake within Newberry National Monument in Bend, Oregon. It was phenomenal. The beauty we experienced was no where near captured in the lens of a camera; you seriously just need to go there and absorb it yourself! 

The first day we arrived, several of us went for a hike around the rim of the lake- a lake that fills  a caldera of a once very active Newberry Volcano. Bright blue skies and soft white clouds above, lush greenery and clear blue waters to the right and left, and delicate foliage amongst rugged volcanic rock below... all working together to overwhelm me with their sheer beauty. With each passing step came new reminders of God’s creativity and unsurpassed glory, fresh opportunities to “rejoice in his whole world” (Prov. 8:31). It was a spectacular hike pointing directly to God’s infinite beauty and majesty.

However, I was hit later with the realization that the stunning scenery surrounding me was once a desolate volcanic wasteland blanketed with molten lava and ashen debris. The past contained a hideous mess. I had great difficulty trying to imagine the blue skies saturated with heavy, gray smoke and the green trees scorched from the heat. How could something so glorious in the present have been so wretched in the past? There were remnants of the harsh volcanic activity, but even the jagged lava rock along the paths looked grand in the gleaming sunlight. Yet this vibrant monument really was a conglomeration of death destruction in the past!

As I had a chance to step back and reflect on the incredible transformation that took place for the caldera to convert from a volcanic wasteland into a vivacious wonderland, I was reminded of God’s heart to transform. He was there when the volcano erupted unleashing tumultuous chaos and wreaking havoc on the scene. He let the lava stream and the ash spew knowing the imminent decay. 

Yet, God didn’t leave the barren land in its state of depravation. Just as the present scenery reflected God’s beauty, it equally reflected his grace. He reached down and breathed life into death, hope into despair, joy into desolation...just as he offers to breathe life into you and me. 

Regardless of where I’ve been in my journey with Christ (both prior to and after being saved), I’m in desperate need of God’s transformational grace daily. My life without Christ’s active presence is just as dead as the caldera’s vacant landscape of debris and ash- void of breath, destined for decay, completely lacking abundant life. He alone can take this broken vessel and transform it into something marvelous...into something that points directly to his unsurpassed love and grace...into something beautiful.

2 Cor. 5:17 “If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 

Step by Step.

Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path..." Psalm 119:105

Time and time again I've been faced with the tendency to map out a long-term journey of my life, a step by step plan unfolding a detailed depiction of how I want my years on earth to be spent. From which college to attend and which degree to obtain, to what location "to settle down in" and at what age to get married, I've attempted to answer almost every life question pre-maturely in order to have a perfect little picture of what my life will look like. 

The problem is, my life doesn't look like "that."

The world tells us we need to have a destination in mind and then figure out the appropriate steps to reach it... Questions like, "where do you see yourself in five years?" and "what are your short term and long term goals" pervade our minds and manipulate our agendas in ways reflecting an innate desire for control. We think that if we can calculate strategically enough and plan far enough in advance, our lives will unfold precisely as we see fit. And when curve balls do fly towards us, we quickly dodge them and try to re-plan, re-focus, re-organize... We go back to the drawing board and map out yet another set of ideals (or this could just be me, but I'll use a plural subject so I feel less ridiculous haha)

Now, don't get me wrong, I think goals are fantastic! There's nothing inherently wrong with being focused, determined, or driven. Even Paul writes in Philippians 3:14, "I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus..." which suggests a highly positive connotation in regards to goal-setting! However, we can't forget to notice the nature of Paul's goal-setting in comparison to ours. Let's back up a bit...

In verses 7-10, Paul beautifully articulates the only goal that matters- knowing Christ. He writes, "But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death..."

Paul's goal is complete self-abandonment, utter surrender... his goal is Christ. 

It is in this context of striving to know his Lord that Paul can unrelentingly press towards what lies ahead... he does not divulge a detailed missionary-map of upcoming endeavors nor a specified proposal of how many letters he'll compose in his lifetime. He simply longs for a deep, intimate relationship with his Lord.

Recently I've been faced with many questions about my future, and I honestly just don't have the answers. What are my specific goals for my career? When/Where will I go back to school? Will I even go back to school? I try and picture where I see myself in five years, and I could literally see myself almost anywhere! Does that mean I'm "directionless"??

No, not necessarily... as I was chatting with a friend tonight we were reflecting on the excitement of seeing only the tiny step in front of us. There are definitely elements of frustration, uncertainty, confusion... but it really is thrilling to embrace the unknown as a new adventure, a new opportunity to completely depend on God. In Psalm 119:105, God promises he will give a lamp (singular) to our feet and a light (what do ya know... singular again) for our path, not a series of little lamps and lights neatly revealing the journey far beyond our present. He promises to illuminate the dimly-lit path as we press into Him...one step at a time. 

Change.

In less than a month I will completely pack up my life in Langley, BC and return to the land of ducks and beavers- Oregon, I'm coming back. Excitement, worry, sadness, peace... almost every emotion has darted across my mind at some point or another during the past few weeks. I have so much to look forward to. Yet...

I really don't like change. But what is it about change that I don't like? The newness? The uncertainty? The danger? (Better strap on a helmet just in case!) Perhaps it's not so much the next step that lies ahead  that causes such a mixed array of emotions tumultuous within me, but the path I'm leaving behind...

As I met with a group of friends tonight to pray for our church and how God is leading us, a passage in Acts 8 came to mind: the story of Philip and an Ethiopian. (I wanted only to apply it to how I was praying for my specific church family earlier, but sometimes God takes things we're projecting onto others and slaps us on the head with them!) The story begins in Acts 8:26 with and angel of God directing Philip to embark on a specific travel route. Soon, Philip runs into an Ethiopian official on his way to Jerusalem to worship. Prior to his encounter with Philip, the Ethiopian is reading from Isaiah and formulating some questions. Upon seeing the Ethiopian, Philip is prompted by the Holy Spirit to approach him and begin a conversation... through the next few verses, we see the Ethiopian ask Philip to explain some questions he has with the passage, and Philip, being led by the Spirit, unfolds the message of Jesus using the passage the Ethiopian is reading.  Now keep reading... the story progresses beautifully (straight out of a Billy Graham crusade snapshot!), and the Ethiopian is baptized at the first site of water! How awesome!!!

With a bird's eye view of the entire story, we can see how clearly God had prepared the path for Philip and the Ethiopian to meet and converse. The story could just end with the Ethiopian's baptism and a warm, fuzzy feeling in the hearts of the readers... but it doesn't... we get to see what happens to Philip and the Ethiopian after their encounter.

Now, I would like to say Philip gets to stay and continue chatting away with his new friend, building a relationship that would continue in-person, face-to-face... but that's not the case. We are told that immediately after the new convert's baptism and commitment to Jesus, Philip is abruptly taken away, never again to be seen by the Ethiopian.

What?! You mean the two buddies didn't get to continue on together learning and growing, sharing their lives in the same vicinity?? Nope. Philip and the Ethiopian shared a marvelous encounter, and then their time together was over- just like that. If you take a look at the story again, you won't read of the Ethiopian wallowing in sadness or disappointment; he continues on his way rejoicing! And Philip goes on traveling and preaching in many other towns... both men shared a grand encounter, which came to an end, and they continued on the path God had for them full of joy.

So... although this story doesn't exactly relate to my life at the moment, God has been using it to encourage me and remind me of his unsurpassed sovereignty, love, and faithfulness. Unlike Philip and the Ethiopian, I have had the privilege of sharing many experiences, not just one brief encounter, with my church community in BC and learning to truly "do life together" as part of the body of Christ. From folding laundry, cleaning kitchens, painting fences... sharing meals, playing board games, and watching movies... to witnessing baptisms, singing in worship, and praying for one another... the church community in which God has placed me (RHC, Trinity, Fleetwood...) has been immensely instrumental in my encouragement and growth. The things I've learned about myself and the ways I've seen God work have undoubtedly changed my heart and shaped my character more than I anticipated. Just as the Ethiopian's life shifted after meeting Philip, so has mine after my time in BC.

However, that time has come to an end (insert HUGE sigh and token teardrop trickling down from right eye corner). As Philip was taken away from his new friend, so is God steering my path out of my Langley community (go ahead... rejoice like the Ethiopian ;)). But just like Philip, I trust God will give me excitement, peace, confidence, and joy to fully depend on him and jump whole-heartedly into whatever adventure lies ahead....

Even though I'm not the biggest fan of change, I know the little thing I like to call "my life" is not about me. Change (seemingly good or bad, easy or difficult, exciting or scary...) is for God's glory and God's purposes alone. So, let's strap on our safety helmets and allow God to throw us into the beautiful journey ahead... knowing the One who goes before us and is faithful to carry us through.

He's always been faithful to me??

Morning by morning I wake up to find the power and comfort of God's hand in mine. 

Season by season I watch him amazed, in awe of the mystery of his perfect ways. 

All I have need of his hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me. 

I can't remember a trial or a pain he did not recycle to bring me gain. 

I can't remember one single regret in serving God only and trusting his hand. 

All I have need of his hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me. 

This is my anthem, this is my song, the theme of the stories I've heard for so long. 

God has been faithful, he will be again. His loving compassion, it knows no end. 

This morning as we sang this song at church, the words refused to come out of my mouth. Try as I might, I couldn't, or didn't want to, proclaim God's faithfulness. The music played, voices echoed around me, worship filled the room... and I refused to join. The melodic tune compelled voices to proclaim, He's always been faithful to me... yet, I found myself battling unbelief.

It's Mid-November, the gas tank is empty, rent is due soon, next semester's invoice taunts me, and instant oatmeal is no longer my favorite breakfast/lunch/dinner meal. On top of the usual financial fears, my car needs a major repair. Fabulous. Is God really here? Does he really care? I know in my head I can trust him, but what happens when I don't see Him coming through? Isn't he suppose to provide?

The sermon today was on one of my favorite passages: Ephesians 3:14-21. The passage lavishly proclaims God's unsurpassable love through beautifully rich imagery- his love is wider, higher, deeper than we can ever imagine. God's love knows no end. Today, however, the words in verse 20 struck a cord with me. In this verse, Paul refers to God as "him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." God is able. But my question was, "will he?" Sure he CAN step in an solve my problems, meet my financial needs, eliminate my car problems, keep my gas tank running on empty, and so on... but WILL he do that?

Then I realized that's the wrong question.

Let's just say I don't see God provide in the way in which I wanted him to... is he any less God? What if I live off oatmeal for the rest of the semester? How about if my car stops in the middle of the road and doesn't restart? Or if I can't afford to come back to school next semester? Is he still God? Is he still Trustworthy? Loving? Faithful?

Yes. 100%

Thankfully God's character is not contingent upon how I see him working... His trustworthiness doesn't depend on how I see my "needs" being met, his love doesn't act according to my ability to accept it, and his faithfulness doesn't hinge on the amount of my faith I can conjure up. He is God always. 

It's true we know people's characters by their actions, and I believe the same is true for God. But, sometimes we're just not able to see the full extent of his actions and their reflection of his character. We naval-gaze, lose sight of reality, stare at the problems right before us... we forget to look to Jesus. As God re-fixes our eyes back on him, our "needs" shift, our fears fade, God's peace overwhelms us and transforms our hearts and minds. Circumstances might not change, but our attitudes do. 

In peace, God is faithful.
In joy, God is faithful.
In love, God is faithful.

Thinking back to Eph 3:20, we can know God is able because we know him. But the question of "will he?" shouldn't matter. Or it should at least be redirected. Will God come through in the ways we think we need him to? Maybe. But if not, he will come through in ways he knows we need. Peace, joy, love (the list goes on and on, but I tend to like lists of 3 if you haven't noticed haha)... in these God is faithful.

As God fixes my heart, mind, eyes, and thoughts on the truth of who he is and what Christ has done on the cross, my perspective can't help but change. The phrase "Preach the Gospel to yourself" has been around for quite awhile, even reflected in Ps. 42:5 ("Why are you downcast, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God...my salvation and my God"), for good reason. We mustn't forget the hope we have in Christ. He is alive in us (Eph 2:22), and this is the reason to which Paul refers in 3:1, 14 as he proclaims God's love. 

So while my problems, fears, doubts, and trials are left unsolved to some extent, I know God is God. He loves me, sacrificed his Son for me, and is alive within me for the praise of his glorious name. What else matters? In this He's always been faithful to me.

Piercing Light.

The angst within my soul
Taunts and pulls
Fervently.
Emotion-filled chaos
Collapses my thoughts.
Confusion erupts
And hammers my feet
To the floor.
I wrestle with no gain.
Again I crack,
I crumble,
I break
Under the weight.
All hope fades
As darkness overtakes
The dimming light within.
One final attempt
To gasp for air
In vain.

And then
The unthinkable takes place.
Victory on the horizon?
It cannot be so.
But alas,
Light emerges
Through the shadows.
A glimmer at first,
A twinkle,
A glint.
My eyes look away
I'm a skeptic, afraid.
The light becomes stronger,
Penetrating deep
Into the shadows
Of the walls of my heart.

Relentless, consistent
The warmth surpasses
My fears.
Freedom. At last.

For even the smallest glint of light with pierce the shell of darkness. 

A Favorite Way to Walk.

If you see me around often, it won't come as a surprise that I have one particular pair of shoes I rather enjoy wearing... chances are i'll have them on any day of the week, every season, regardless of the rest of the outfit... can you guess?? Think Texas (yes, I secretly want to marry a cowboy haha). That's right... my brown, worn out cowboy boots! Scuffed, faded, peeling sole... yet I relentlessly refuse retire them.


People ask me why I'm so committed to them. The two shoes have clearly served their duty and are ready for a rest in the back of the closet. But I can't bear to let them go (I actually have another pair of the exact same shoes I've been saving for when the current pair gets the boot, but they're just hanging out in the box... patiently awaiting their showtime haha). I've been wrestling with why exactly I won't give the first pair up.  No sentimental memories are attached to them, they weren't purchased anywhere special, and they certainly don't have an outstanding timelessness or beauty! But still, they haven't let me down yet.


Constant... Steadfast... Faithful...


In one of my classes, an interesting question was posed to the students. I use "interesting" not because I hadn't heard the question before, but because of the context in which it was presented. After attempting to  dialoguing with the class about how God has been defined and perceived over the ages, beginning with the first Yahweh worshippers (Hebrew people who eventually became the people of Israel) and continuing into today's modern context, my professor reminded us of the unavoidable tension between God's incomparable, transcendent nature and His desire to reveal himself to us. We can't come to terms with who God is, at least not in his entirety.


"The real God is greater than the God of the Bible," emerged from his mouth to taunt a skeptical class of Bible-believing Christians. Is that a heretical statement? Not necessarily. My professor's point was that, although the Bible points us in the right direction towards understanding the depth of who God is, it doesn't enable us to grasp the full concept. We just can't. I actually find this refreshing! If I could understand and conceive of all aspects of God, he wouldn't be God. Furthermore, we can't just pick and choose the attributes of God we like and don't like... elevating one above another would present an inaccurate portrayal of who his is. Failure to recognize the vastness of who He is results in human elevation along with the potential of worshipping something other than God!  Anyway... back to the "interesting question."


After going into detail about God's transcendent, inconceivable nature, my professor transitioned to asking, "What's the most important attribute of God?" Um, didn't we just establish that we can't actually describe God; we can't choose one attribute over another? Yes... but... God is a personal being who reveals himself to us individually and invites us to engage in relationship with Him. We wants us to know who he is. Herein lies the tension, but the beauty shines forth.


So the question can, perhaps, be re-worded into "what has God revealed about himself to me that has significance and particular weight in my life?"Not "what's the best thing about God for everyone at all times and in all situations?" but "what is God showing me about himself?" 


Faithfulness. 


In the same way I take delight in the consistent presence of my beloved old brown boots, I rejoice in the steadfastness of my Lord... even in the midst of intense anxiety, fear, sadness, and stress, nothing can separate me from his love (Romans 8:38, 39). Although I may turn in shame of my disobedience and wickedness, nowhere I run will hide me from his presence (Psalm 139:7-10). He is faithful when I am not (2 Tim 2:13). And, oh, am I ever thankful my faithfulness (or lack thereof) does not affect the faithfulness of my God! 


No analogies are perfect (and there's a whole slew of dangers in comparing God to a pair of shoes! I'm really not getting at that! haha) but I can't help but smile when I think of how faithfully my cowboy boots have been my 'sole' companions for the past few years... then, when I consider the incredible faithfulness demonstrated by God, that smile can't help but awaken peace and joy from within me. I take comfort in the complexity and transcendent nature of God, but for now, I find rest in knowing his faithfulness revealed to me. From this, I walk forward into knowing more and more of who he is. From this, I am compelled to walk in love.


"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations," Deut. 7:9