Life doesn't stop

Don't you sometimes wish there was a "pause" button on life?? Those times you want to enjoy the sunset for a few more minutes, or watch the clock stay at 7:15 while you sip your coffee for a whole hour, or even so you can linger a little longer with a loved one just enjoying each other's company? If only you could press "pause" every once in a while and just be. If only.

But, life doesn't work like that. Time keeps going, you keep breathing, and that far-off hour quickly becomes a distant memory. Life doesn't stop.

So, it seems like we have two options:
1. Fight the fact that time keeps moving
2. Choose to rest in the chaos.

If you go with option one, you'll likely become a pretty stressed out individual. I've tried to resist the phenomenon of time progression either by living my life to a scheduled mess (which is miserable) or by mentally and emotionally checking out with things get rough (this doesn't change reality and only adds to long-term stress). When I fall into the routine of scheduling every hour of my day, I miss out on enjoying each moment! (Who really needs to get up at 7:13 am on the dot just so they can spend 37 minutes getting ready and leave at exactly the right time to make it to the coffee shop by precisely 8:09 to be out the door and on to the next thing by 8:15??? That's a bit overkill, hey? And exaggerated, mind you). When I live for my day-planner, I forget to really live.

And then there are those times where I just check out altogether... the stress of homework, friends, family, work, finances, the future... become way too overwhelming when they're piled on top of one another. So, I bail. I lose all confidence that God is giving me the strength to persevere so I quit caring. When I go this route, everyone gets hurt. I get depressed, my family and friends feel neglected, and every task seems outrageously difficult. All reasonable perspective dissipates, and things rapidly spiral downward. Regardless of if I'm "checking out" or obsessing over every detail, I'm fighting the God-ordained beauty of time. Clearly option one is a fail.

So, what's option two? Resting in the chaos- whatever does That mean?? (Um, FYI, I don't exactly have the answer... wheels are turning, though... so, please think through it with me). I want to start by going back to one of my favorite passages- Psalm 46 (yes, I wrote about this is my first blog, but I'm just a big fan! And it's such an applicable passage! Bear with me lol I just included the whole passage for easy reference this time...)
Psalm 46
¹ God is our refuge and strength,
   an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
   and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam    and the mountains quake with their surging.
 ⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
   the holy place where the Most High dwells.
⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
   God will help her at break of day.
⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
   he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
 ⁷ The LORD Almighty is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.
 ⁸ Come and see what the LORD has done,
   the desolations he has brought on the earth.
⁹ He makes wars cease
   to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
   he burns the shields^[d] with fire.
¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
   I will be exalted among the nations,
   I will be exalted in the earth.”
 ¹¹ The LORD Almighty is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Now, just take a look at all those italicized phrases- just a tad bit stressful, wouldn't you say? Yet, in even those times of intense chaos, we can choose to stop and be still... knowing that God is God and forever in control. I can't forget that His grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in weakness (as in 2 Cor. 12:9; I know, I sound like a broken record, but I love this verse too!!!).

But the phrase "resting in chaos" seems to entail more than just head knowledge that it will be okay... or even more than an unrealistic happy-go-lucky attitude... there needs to be some form of positive physical and mental action that takes place. "Rest" is not another form of "checking out"- rather, it entails a re-alignment of perspective, a re-examination of what's truly important, and a re-focus of joy. like how one definition put it, "to be at ease, to have tranquility or peace" (and I would like to add, "regardless of circumstances"). While I can't pause life or even slow situations down, I can allow my mind, heart, and soul to rest in the hand of my Savior... choosing peace even in the turmoils of this time-bound life that never stops.

Addicted to ____

Just a couple of days ago I decided to start off the day with a DECAF coffee!!! My dad was giving me a bad time about needing coffee every morning, and I tried to tell him I just like the taste... I wasn't addicted to the caffeine or anything... It's not like I needed to have it to make it through the day. I just liked it!

So I enjoyed a nice cup of decaf coffee and headed off to work. About two hours into work I started suffering from a splitting headache! Now, this was no minor head pain... I thought either my eyes were going to permanently cross or my head would drop off my neck! At first I thought I just needed some water, but then it hit me- Ahhh I need coffee!!!!!! Just pump the caffeine straight into my blood, and I'll be fine.

I considered taking my lunch early so I could run over to Starbucks (now that's desperation!), but a co-worker was kind enough to get a girly frappuccino for me on his lunch (thank you!!!!). As I rapidly gulped it down, I kept adding hot coffee from the store pot to get my caffeine fix. With every frantic drink, the realization of my addiction sunk in deeper and deeper. Wasn't I just bragging that very morning about not being addicted to coffee?? And here I was desperate for the energy-giving, headache-quenching, bank-breaking, live-saving liquid! You're officially a caffeine adict, Kristina, face it!

It's funny how addictions slowly creep up on you. One day you're moderately endulging in an activity (unhealthy or not) and the next day you feel like you'll surely die if you can't have it/do it/see it/hear it... whatever IT may be. Webster defines "addiction" as follows:
1: the quality or state of being addicted (duh)

2: compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/addiction

So, the word generally has a negative connotation, but can it be positive? Well, I suppose you could be addicted to things like reading, running, eating apples... things that won't cause harm to you or others... but is having any addiction really GOOD??

My initial answer was a quick "no, addictions aren't good. ever." I thought that any sort of addiction (whether harmful or not) simply reveals lack of self-control and exposes personal weakness. If you need something to get you through the day, it must be bad. You should only need to rely on yourself.

But I thought about it a little more.... and if I have to rely on MYSELF, I'll fail. I just can't do it! I drive too fast, run over curbs, stumble over my words, get annoyed with others, speak harmfully, live selfishly, make unwise decisions, face insecurities and constant self-doubt... I need something other than myself to rely on (caffeine won't cut it either). God, I pray that something will be YOU.

Basically if I follow Webster's suggestion and define addiction as a "compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal" then what am I addicted to?  Oh how I want to be able to answer the question with, "loving Jesus and loving others." But what if it's not? Do I truly live every day as if I'm addicted to Jesus??

Sadly... no. For some reason, it's easy to get caught in the mindset that I am all I need, even when I know I'm not enough. I love how Paul describes this paradox in Romans 7:15, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." He got it! Sometimes we get caught living contrary to what we want (or what the Holy Spirit living within us wants). And ya know what? God loves us anyway. =) Just let that sink in for a minute. The Lord of the universe, the One who made you and holds you together, the One who knows when you sit down and when you stand up, the One who gave you specific passions, desires, and dreams... LOVES YOU... and demonstrated his love by dying for you, raising from the dead, defeating sin, and offering to live in you for the rest of time. Is that addiction? No, that's love.

So what are you addicted to?

God, I pray you will instill a passion within me to love you and to love others. Make me addicted to YOU always.