So I enjoyed a nice cup of decaf coffee and headed off to work. About two hours into work I started suffering from a splitting headache! Now, this was no minor head pain... I thought either my eyes were going to permanently cross or my head would drop off my neck! At first I thought I just needed some water, but then it hit me- Ahhh I need coffee!!!!!! Just pump the caffeine straight into my blood, and I'll be fine.
I considered taking my lunch early so I could run over to Starbucks (now that's desperation!), but a co-worker was kind enough to get a girly frappuccino for me on his lunch (thank you!!!!). As I rapidly gulped it down, I kept adding hot coffee from the store pot to get my caffeine fix. With every frantic drink, the realization of my addiction sunk in deeper and deeper. Wasn't I just bragging that very morning about not being addicted to coffee?? And here I was desperate for the energy-giving, headache-quenching, bank-breaking, live-saving liquid! You're officially a caffeine adict, Kristina, face it!
It's funny how addictions slowly creep up on you. One day you're moderately endulging in an activity (unhealthy or not) and the next day you feel like you'll surely die if you can't have it/do it/see it/hear it... whatever IT may be. Webster defines "addiction" as follows:
1: the quality or state of being addicted (duh)
2: compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/addiction
So, the word generally has a negative connotation, but can it be positive? Well, I suppose you could be addicted to things like reading, running, eating apples... things that won't cause harm to you or others... but is having any addiction really GOOD??
My initial answer was a quick "no, addictions aren't good. ever." I thought that any sort of addiction (whether harmful or not) simply reveals lack of self-control and exposes personal weakness. If you need something to get you through the day, it must be bad. You should only need to rely on yourself.
But I thought about it a little more.... and if I have to rely on MYSELF, I'll fail. I just can't do it! I drive too fast, run over curbs, stumble over my words, get annoyed with others, speak harmfully, live selfishly, make unwise decisions, face insecurities and constant self-doubt... I need something other than myself to rely on (caffeine won't cut it either). God, I pray that something will be YOU.
Basically if I follow Webster's suggestion and define addiction as a "compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal" then what am I addicted to? Oh how I want to be able to answer the question with, "loving Jesus and loving others." But what if it's not? Do I truly live every day as if I'm addicted to Jesus??
Sadly... no. For some reason, it's easy to get caught in the mindset that I am all I need, even when I know I'm not enough. I love how Paul describes this paradox in Romans 7:15, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." He got it! Sometimes we get caught living contrary to what we want (or what the Holy Spirit living within us wants). And ya know what? God loves us anyway. =) Just let that sink in for a minute. The Lord of the universe, the One who made you and holds you together, the One who knows when you sit down and when you stand up, the One who gave you specific passions, desires, and dreams... LOVES YOU... and demonstrated his love by dying for you, raising from the dead, defeating sin, and offering to live in you for the rest of time. Is that addiction? No, that's love.
So what are you addicted to?
God, I pray you will instill a passion within me to love you and to love others. Make me addicted to YOU always.
Basically if I follow Webster's suggestion and define addiction as a "compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal" then what am I addicted to? Oh how I want to be able to answer the question with, "loving Jesus and loving others." But what if it's not? Do I truly live every day as if I'm addicted to Jesus??
Sadly... no. For some reason, it's easy to get caught in the mindset that I am all I need, even when I know I'm not enough. I love how Paul describes this paradox in Romans 7:15, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." He got it! Sometimes we get caught living contrary to what we want (or what the Holy Spirit living within us wants). And ya know what? God loves us anyway. =) Just let that sink in for a minute. The Lord of the universe, the One who made you and holds you together, the One who knows when you sit down and when you stand up, the One who gave you specific passions, desires, and dreams... LOVES YOU... and demonstrated his love by dying for you, raising from the dead, defeating sin, and offering to live in you for the rest of time. Is that addiction? No, that's love.
So what are you addicted to?
God, I pray you will instill a passion within me to love you and to love others. Make me addicted to YOU always.
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