Afraid to Feel

Yesterday I was overwhelmed with a random spell of homesickness. It totally caught me off guard, and I felt ridiculous experiencing such emotions again. This is my third time leaving home, coming to school, getting re-settled... I should be fine, right? I didn't expect to be feeling homesick yet again!

Part of the problem is how different this year is going to be from the last two years. I'm terrified. Yesterday I embarked on a mission to the grocery store for the first time. Now, I've been shopping for myself before, but this time was different. I spent the first part of the day going through recipes, trying to plan meals, figure out a reasonable budget... it was awful haha. I couldn't help but thinking to myself, you have no idea what on earth you're doing. Just give up now! Ramen and cold cereal will be just fine. On top of that, I had to think about other important amenities like dish soap, toilet paper, and cleaning supplies! I ended up forgetting half the list and coming back to sit in silent solitude for the next few minutes, numb with fear and frustration.

As large crocodile tears streamed down my face, I continued attempting to suppress my emotions. You should not be feeling this way- homesickness was fine as a freshman, border-line understandable last year, but it's really not acceptable right now. I had it my head that it was wrong to feel overwhelmed

After talking to a friend last night, I was reminded of the fact that it's important to acknowledge our feelings without labeling them "good" or "bad." Regardless of their effects, feelings are real. It's how we handle our feelings that matters most.

So let yourself feel, but don't let your life be dictated by your feelings.