What?? Kristina Reznick is not stressed? Such an anomaly I'm sure those of you who know me never thought it possible! Honestly, I didn't think so either. Stress has defined me countless times over the course of my life, and I haven't been able to figure out how to get rid of it. As sad as it sounds, I think I've held on to it as a sort of security blanket because it's what I've known for so long. But ya know what, I don't have to! Perhaps I'm learning to let go...
Recentlly I was trying to explain to a friend how scattered I feel I'm living right now, but my words weren't coming out in a way that made any sense at all (fitting, right?). That's when God suddenly popped a picture of an Octopus into my head. (Yes, this is another ridiculous analogy.... so consider this your warning!). Ready for it??
Now, this octopus had about 20 tentacles as opposed to the usual 8... and each one was grasping on to something else while being pulled in 20ish different directions! Sad thing is, though, that the octopus was making zero prominant movement in any one direction. The silly thing was clinging onto so many things that he (okay, fine,"she") couldn't physically move towards any of them. And I realized that was me.
Family, work, friends, money, business, school, relationships... all entities that I've been trying to stretch myself across without saying no. In doing so, I haven't been able to fully immerse myself into any of them. I feel like exhaustion and weariness have dampened a little part of everything I've done, but it hasn't been necessary. I know God has been nudging me from time to time to let go of certain aspects of my life, but I've deliberately pushed those thoughts aside. I haven't wanted to stop being a stupid octopus.
It's at the point, though, where God is simply cutting things out of my life for me. (Okay, so the analogy I had in my head actually consisted of the octopus getting her tentacles chopped off one by one until only a little nub of an octopus body was left haha. That's probably a bit too graphic, but I don't know how else to say it). He's taking away some things from my life in extremely visible ways and others are much more vague. Redefinition of future dreams, removal of certain fears and doubts, and reconstruction of who I am... It's hard to pinpoint exactly what's changing within me, but I know He's at work.
So I come to the point where I feel like an octopus nub (cute, right??), yet I'm completely at peace. Over and over today, people have been asking "How are you? How was your summer? Are you ready to be back?" and I just give them a vacant stare haha. I have no idea what to say other than, "I'm exhausted, but I've got peace. And it'll be just fine." I have a lot to learn about handling stress, but I'm not afraid of stress because I'm one peacefully exhausted octopus nub right now! And so happy to be in this place.
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