When life gives you lemons...

Throw lemons back in life's face and say (nicely), "I don't want your stinkin lemons!"

Isn't that how that phrase should really end?? That whole "make lemonade" comeback is starting to get to me. I'm tired of optimism. Sometimes life is sour, difficult, unrelentingly painful... and I don't want to make lemonade- I just want to get rid of the lemons!
I've always considered myself an optimistic person, which I thought was a good thing. But, I'm reazling that "fakeness" is easy to cover under the label of "optimism." I don't really believe everything will be okay, but I slap a cheesy smile on my face and go about my day as if everything is peachy-keen. Why?
1. I'm afraid. (Of allowing myself to experience pain, afraid of dealing with how the pain will change my actions, afraid of being vulnerable)
2. I'm embarrassed. (Of others really knowing how I feel... of being judged)
3. It's the easy way out. (It's much easier to feign happiness than to choose true joy in the midst of a painful situation)

Now, don't hear me wrong... I'm still all for optimism. But there needs to be a balance of optimism and realism in order to optimism to be real. (that probably sounds like the most ridiculous sentence, but it makes sense to me haha). Unless optimism is grounded on truth (sometime real) and balanced with an appropriate view of reality, its deceptive fakeness will eat you alive. Eventually you'll get tired of being "optimistically" fake and chances are you'll flop to the other extreme- negatively-focused, irrational, self-destroying pessimism.

It's frustrating how hard it is to be real with people. Even worse, it's often hard to be real with yourself. If you allow yourself to admit you're hurting, chances are someone else will find out too. So sometimes it's easier not to let yourself even go there. Just fake a grin and tell yourself it'll be okay. At least that's what I've done too many times... However, that skewed view of "optimism" has unleashed a destructive demon that tells me only to look at the "positives," even if they aren't real, and to never look at anything "negative," even if it is real. I've ended up trying to convince myself that "making lemonade" means pulling some perfectly happy idea out of thin air and avoiding anything difficult altogether. But that's not healthy.

It's okay to feel like throwing lemons back in life's face... but it's important to know you can't. It's also okay to focus on the positive things that are present... but not to deceive yourself into thinking only the positives exist. In the end, recognize reality and do whatever you want with those stinkin lemons. Just let yourself be real with you and others.